Comfort Betrays

Artist: As I Lay Dying

Album: An Ocean Between Us.
Youtube Link Here.

So my blog posts are slowly taking on a new format. I decided that since I’m rolling with the whole “Naming blog posts after songs” stone, I’d better provide some details on the song. So what I have there I think suffices.

I chose tonights title not for the lyrics of the song, but for the title itself. Comfort Betrays. Matt come home from up north the other night. While he was gone it was so peaceful, so blissful…..so quiet. So Matt-Free. Then he came home and it was civil for a few days. And then the shit pretty much hit the fan. It was inevitable. I was comfortable, and my comfort betrayed me when he came home. He was my betrayal of comfort and I’m not entirely sure if I can trust whether or not I can really be comfortable around him…now, before or ever. I don’t like the way he speaks to my sister. I don’t like the way he speaks to my mother, and I don’t like the way he ruffles my feathers. I just plain despise the wreck of a man.

I want out of here and I want out now. I want to be free to be able to spend more time with Danielle. I want to be able to ride my bike. I want to be able to get on stage more often. I want to graduate high school. I want to have more self discipline. I want want want want all the fucking time and never motivate myself enough to get get get. That;s my problem, I have no motivation in my life anymore. The only thing I genuinely look forward to is two things; Danielle, and listening to music. Sounds silly, well, the last bit anyway. Danielle is my anchor, my guide lights. She knows just how to make me smile an rarely does she make me frown. I’m sorry I don’t get to be with her all the time, but the day will soon enough come where I can spend however may days I please with the one person I actually want to spend it with, not that pig of a man Matt. I put on a smile, I say hello. Just so as he doesn’t snap and rage. It just makes it easier if I pretend. But please, someone get me out of here.

I’m finding it harder and harder to get out and ride. It’s my bike. It’s just falling to pieces and the only thing I can afford is just a temporary Band Aid fix, which lasts for a little while. I just don’t have the up front cash for repairs. I was supposed to be racing this weekend, but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen. A little part of me hopes I don’t race, I can’t really afford it.

I just miss Danielle. I was supposed to have her in my arms tonight……She slipped out, and I want her here.