Are Eye Pea/

Graham Stanley Canning, you were the greatest man to ever live. Rest In Peace. I miss you bigman. I really do.

I’ll see you one day mate. I promise. But for now i just gotta choke it back, like you always told me to do.

Thankyou Graham. You are a good man, and will always be remembered that way.

When Everything Falls

Artist: Haste The Day

Album: When Everything Falls

Youtube Link

Everything has fallen, is falling, will fall. Except Danielle.

Matt’s been cheating on Mum. I just can’t do this rollaround again. I can’t pretend like I’m doing fine just so as my mother doesn’t top herself again. I can’t, but I’m going to have to.

It’s the same thing all over again:

-Geoff tells mum she’s on the wrong path.

-Mum finds out she’s on the wrong path, does nothing and yells at Geoff a lot.

-Mum accepts she was on the wrong path and wrecks herself. Geoff finds it hard to cope but keeps her afloat whilst imploding silently.

We’re halfway through the third step already and i just wnt this over, I want my licence, I want us to be in a new house and I want Danielle to be around nd I want Xmas to be over and I want to see Helen an I want, I want, I want, I want.

I want for things. I have always wanted for what i see to be but simple pleasures in life. Knowing that you can come home and eat, knowing that your mum is happy with her relationship enough not to go on a self destructive path. Am i asking too much? I don’t know anymore.

It’s not my fault, I know that. But i saw him the other day and knew I had to be friendly, just for mums sake. She needs me to look after her, I know that. But I need to make sure I look after myself this time.

 

Out.

Beautiful Machine

Artist: Shihad
Album: Beautiful machine
Youtube Link

Shihad today, from their last album. Life is a Beautiful Machine. It has a beautiful way of twisting and contorting itself to throw a total suckerpunch at us, conveniently disguised as a blowjob.

I’ve applied for a job in Kalgoorlie. A full time job. As a Sports Writer for the Kalgoorlie Miner. I really want this job. I’m prepared to move to Kalgoorlie, I’m not sure how much that shows how much it would mean to get an opportunity like this – because it’s a stellar opportunity to get my foot slammed right through the proverbial door of writing – which is what I love. But I would have to move there, and whilst I’m prepared to do that, I don’t wanna leave Danielle – hey there’s a downside to everything, right? Danielle is the only downside to getting the best opportunity of my life to date. I’d take the job in a heartbeat if on the off chance that they offered it to me, but I would be heartbroken. I really would. The girl of my dreams, she is…..

Why is it that other people always bring us down so much?

We just want to feel wanted as a person, and we tend to do whatever it takes to feel that way – even if it means you’re stuck in a deadend relationship where you’re being treated like utter shit, but you’re too struck by actually feeling wanted to notice.

It’s odd, how we perceive the truth as the opposite in situations like that, and I know I’ve been there before and I didn’t like it. I thought that girl was the best thing ever for me – but really she was bringing me down to her level. She thought she had it so hard, that she had a rough upbringing and deserves to be on one of those tv shows for people with a rough upbringing that somehow got successful using the “Step 4: ?????” method, when really she had it so good. Her parents were still together and gave her eveything she could possibly ask for – they supported her when she wasn’t doing so well (as did i, would have been nice to see the favour returned) through no fault of her own. Bought her a car, sent her to beauty school (which, incidentally is big money) because it’s what she wanted to do. But she still whinged “Ahhhh they don’t love me blah blah blah” meanwhile I’m getting kicked out of home at age 15 with nowhere to go, yet she still had it rough? And it was still me that was being selfish when I couldn’t go out, because I couldn’t afford food, let alone a movie out. Or it was me who was selfish when I wouldn’t ride 20k’s across town on my bike, in sweltering heat, after a 9 hour straight shift at work with no food because I couldn’t even afford a loaf of bread to spare, to see her, when she was 17 and had no intentions of getting her licence because her mum drove her everywhere.

So despite this I still felt wanted, because she cried on my shoulder when things weren’t going so well, even after we broke up I might add, and she said she wanted to be with me (I should’ve hit the ground running then!). So I broke up with her after just plain not being able to cope with it, and I felt pretty shit. I thought that she really was great. We’d been together over 12 months. But I moved on, despite a lot of shit that went down. It was a VERY messy break up (we’re talking dead mothers getting involved – wanna know more? ask me and i’ll type it, but you all whinge about me typing too much anyway)…….It was exactly the same shit as my girlfriend before that. I went from being a shoulder to cry on, to a shoulder to cry on that puts out and for nothing in return.

So now I have a new girlfriend and we’ve been together just over 3 months, and it’s been nothing but bliss. I actually think I might love her. But that’s a big word for a little kid. She wants to be with me for who I am, not because I listen to her complain and let her cry on my shoulder, and I want to be with her because she is by far and out the most amazing human being I have ever met. She’s in they year below me, school wise, but she is tenfold more mature than any other girls I know. Maybe it’s naivety, maybe she really is just a snag, either way I’m keeping hold of this one. “She’s a keeper” doesn’t do it justice. But it has only been 3 months, but this already feels different, it’s great. I hope shit doesn’t hit the fan. Sure, according to some I should be out partying every night, fucking sluts as much as possible and all that shit, but in reality, I just enjoy Danielle’s company – she lets me party hard, too. Bonus!

so what the hell am I doing blogging about my ex girlfriend when I am so happy with Danielle? Well, I don’t really know. It’s not like I want her back or anything. I just love where I’m at so much right now, I reminisce about why I didn’t do this earlier. I should have done this earlier – I should’ve treated myself to the life I have now a long time ago.

Hell, I deserved it I think.

I’m Your Man

Artist: Michael Buble
Album: Call Me Irresponsible
Youtube Link

I seem to be everybodys damn man lately. Everybody wants something from me, for nothing. Wilbo wants me to host Interhouse Dance with Dani Hanni, Rha wants me to stay, Mum wants fucking everything and Danielle wants me to stay too.

I don’t wanna leave. Well, actually yes, I do want to leave otherwise I wouldn’t have cooked up this plan of leaving my life here in Guildford and shipping off to Kalgoorlie for a little while to do some bullshit, menial, low socio economic job for better money. I’m going to miss Danielle. It’s shit when we don’t get to spend a Saturday night together, let alone weeks at a time. I cried last night talking to her about it, I’m not sure if she could tell – we were in the spa after all. But still, I don’t see it being the last time. I don’t want to leave behind the girl I love. But it will all be for the better in the end, once I get some money and get to spend some time getting my thoughts together, just sorting myself out. Because godammit, i really do need to sort myself out.

I’m stressing out, because i have 2 weeks left of school, for life. I can’t believe that the last 13 years has come down to this. What do I do with myself afterwards? I’m a damn basktcase, I’ve got no idea. And this blog post sucks compared to my last posts, I’m just going to get it over and done with.

Speaking of leaving behind, I’d left behind all hope of ever seeing my hardtail again after it was stolen xmas eve last year, and guess what I see doing the rounds of the train station monday morning? MY HARDTAIL! I have her back! My pride and joy, back locked up safely in my shed. I tells ya what, I’m not going to let her slip away this time, no siree. It’s great to have my baby back. I have so many memories on that bike and now I get to build so many more again. I cried when I got this back too. I really did. I fucking love this bike.

So yeah, hope I didn’t disappoint with my rather unstructured, pointless blogging. Later skater.

The Day That Never Comes.

Artist: Metallica

Album: Death Magnetic

Youtube Link Here.

SO I was a naughty boy and downloaded Metallica’s new album the other day, about a week and a half before its release date thanks to a shop in france selling a few copies and it’s now all over the internet. That’s where I got my title from – today was a day I thought would never come. It was my “day that never comes”.

I got my hardtail back. That’s right – that’s the bike that was stolen from my damn house on christmas eve last year. That’s almost 9 months ago. 9 months! I guess it’s hard for me to even word how I’m feeling about it. I rode it home today and it was one of, if not the best ride of my life. To get back on my baby and pedal off was overwhelming. That bike really was my life and to be honest I cried when I lost it out of my own stupidity of not locking it up, and I shed a tear of joy as I was pedalling off into the rain this afternoon.

It was weird, I just see a guy riding it at the train station and then 2 days later it’s in my hands again. It kinda feels off though. I missed that bike because I made so many memories on it, I had personalised it and I knew it – yeah, it had a personality. But now that the spec has been changed by someone other than me, to spec I don’t like – namely the bars and stem, a horrendous spec choice – it just feels like it wasn’t me that made those memories, it wasn’t me who made the bike personal. I don’t know, once i fiddle around with it and put some new bars on there and a new stem it will be just like old times. I’m just so glad to get my stolen bike back.

So what now? I’ve been planning on getting rid of my downhill bike after the state champs anyway, now i have even more crazy ideas running through my head. I’ve been eyeing off the idea of a Bullit for a while now, but I was thinking, a mishmash of parts from the SGS and the hardtail onto a Bullit frame and a new fork, or a Bullit and another hardtail, something like a 2×9 Komodo. That way I could ride/race XC and 4x on the hardtail, and trail ride and race DH on the Bullit. I don’t know. I’ve got some erious contemplating to do.

Danielle and I quietly celebrated 3 months on saturday night. Not very long I know, but it’s long enough for me to know that this is right. I feel so comfortable around her and best of all I feel accepted. I haven’t felt this way ina  long time – properly accepted by a partner. She just makes me so lost for words, it’s hard to imagine someone of my age feeling so strongly about someone, but I do. But don’t think I’m about to shack up with her, or get her up the duff, or pop the question. Fuck that, fuck that right off. I just want to enjoy the company of the greatest girl I’ve ever met for a long time to come. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.

I love life, despite having failed my logbook test for the secon time today. I know I can drive, i just fuck the test up. Out of test conditions, I do so well. Oh well, not much I can do about that one now, just do better next time.

Night all.

Comfort Betrays

Artist: As I Lay Dying

Album: An Ocean Between Us.
Youtube Link Here.

So my blog posts are slowly taking on a new format. I decided that since I’m rolling with the whole “Naming blog posts after songs” stone, I’d better provide some details on the song. So what I have there I think suffices.

I chose tonights title not for the lyrics of the song, but for the title itself. Comfort Betrays. Matt come home from up north the other night. While he was gone it was so peaceful, so blissful…..so quiet. So Matt-Free. Then he came home and it was civil for a few days. And then the shit pretty much hit the fan. It was inevitable. I was comfortable, and my comfort betrayed me when he came home. He was my betrayal of comfort and I’m not entirely sure if I can trust whether or not I can really be comfortable around him…now, before or ever. I don’t like the way he speaks to my sister. I don’t like the way he speaks to my mother, and I don’t like the way he ruffles my feathers. I just plain despise the wreck of a man.

I want out of here and I want out now. I want to be free to be able to spend more time with Danielle. I want to be able to ride my bike. I want to be able to get on stage more often. I want to graduate high school. I want to have more self discipline. I want want want want all the fucking time and never motivate myself enough to get get get. That;s my problem, I have no motivation in my life anymore. The only thing I genuinely look forward to is two things; Danielle, and listening to music. Sounds silly, well, the last bit anyway. Danielle is my anchor, my guide lights. She knows just how to make me smile an rarely does she make me frown. I’m sorry I don’t get to be with her all the time, but the day will soon enough come where I can spend however may days I please with the one person I actually want to spend it with, not that pig of a man Matt. I put on a smile, I say hello. Just so as he doesn’t snap and rage. It just makes it easier if I pretend. But please, someone get me out of here.

I’m finding it harder and harder to get out and ride. It’s my bike. It’s just falling to pieces and the only thing I can afford is just a temporary Band Aid fix, which lasts for a little while. I just don’t have the up front cash for repairs. I was supposed to be racing this weekend, but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen. A little part of me hopes I don’t race, I can’t really afford it.

I just miss Danielle. I was supposed to have her in my arms tonight……She slipped out, and I want her here.

It’s Dangereous Business Walking Out Your Front Door.

So this time it’s Underoath. I can’t disagree with this title. It is, the world is a dangerous place, and not just dangerous in the sense of getting your shit stolen, getting bashed waiting for a bus or getting stabbed in Northbridge on a Friday night, the world is big. The world is scary. The world is full of so many things we disagree with, so many things we want to change and so many things we don’t want to see.

One of the things I don’t want to see is leaving school.

” I will now bring new meaning to the word alone”, to quote my title song. I may have everybody I love, care for and am loved and cared for around me, but when I leave I’m on my own. I’m my own Geoff. No timetables, no teachers up my ass. I’m going to need to be truly independent. I can get on my independence high horse as much as I want, but in the end I’m still a school kid and I’m still bound by the mundane, yet appreciated, routine of school life. When I leave I’m going to have to think, say, do, act and contribute off my own free back and I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.

It’s all I know as a kid, it’s all I’ve ever done, is be taught the right and wrong way of doing things day in, day out. Now that I have to leave and become (in theory) a responsible, contributive, thoughtful member of society is when I don’t want to. Right now is when I feel I need that cradle of High School the most, the cradle that comes with seeing everything the same and being told how to live your life like you’re in the military is what I need and I don’t know why. I’ve spent the last 12 or 13 years in schools of some sort whinging about how much I want to leave and how I think school is lame. Now look, I’m leaving at the end of this year and I have no idea where to go or what to do. At least with school you have a definite idea of what you’re going to be doing and when.

” Pain has never been so brilliant”.

School, in the years gone by, was painful. All I wanted was out and it made me strive to be a better person so I could get out and have some kind of future and that’s the brilliance of it, that pain is intentional and it worked. Why do you think I moved to La Salle? I wanted to get a real education, not just A’s and B’s, but be educated as a person and as a part of the greater community. I wanted to become a real life person, not just some schlub who was spiralling downwards. I was. I was really spiralling and then I decided to go off and flip 180 degrees. Now I represent my student body on the Student Representative Council and I’m making a difference I hope. It may not sound like much to you for me to be on the SRC, but to come from where I have as a person and be considered for, let alone accepted as, the role of Arts Captain was a big step and a huge confidence boost for me. I wear that badge with pride and I try and do my best to fulfill the role as not only Arts Captain, captain of the arts, but as a role model for the younger years – that’s my part in this duo of Arts Captaincy; Dani does all the office work and keeping Pirlo happy (or not so it seems) and I just wanna be there for younger kids and try my best to “Set the Standard” as Sackett says.

The freedom to grow and nurturing environment of school is often underrated. I love, and will miss, the fact that challenging everything around me to my fullest extent is often highly encouraged and supported. I don’t know where I’m going with thiss paragraph, but all I do know is that school is my rock and I’ve had a lot of great experiences through it. I don’t wanna leave.

I get to spend all day, every day, with the people I love and making life long memories. I don’t want to enter the real world and have that end – have to get a job, be on time, think for myself. I’m dreading having to become what society deems to be a member of itself. Someone who votes, someone who takes concern over current affairs, someone who has to be at their dull office job all week. Please don’t let that be me.

“I’ve been up at this all night long
I’ve been drowning in my sleep
I’ve prayed for your safe place
And its time for us to leave”

Rain.

Another Trivium title. Not sure why, Trivium are hardly top of the line metal in my opinion. But their titles rock.

I titled this one Rain because that’s all I’m seeing. Fucking weather. Things have certainly changed since my last post for sure, it’s been a few months. I didn’t do so well in RAW this year as I would have liked. I think that’s a good thing though, I wasn’t all emo about it for too long. I have a lot of time ahead of me to do this standup thing, and I can’t go rushing my final year at school.

Which I’m quietly kinda worried about. I really want to graduate, and it might not happen. I just lack self discipline, every time I try and knuckle down, I get distracted by something or just put it off until the last minute. I hope I do better. I will do better.

I got a new bike too by the way. Wow, that was ages ago. I need to post more often. I am hereby promising to blog weekly from now on.

In one of my previous bloggings, I said “2008 is the year of Geoff”. Well, things didn’t go my way after that one. I broke up with Steph a fair while back, I didn’t care to remember the date. That was one of the best things I ever did. I went through a phase of wanting to be wanted so I had lame crushes on a few girls. Nothing major. I thought I was so happy with her. I thought she was the bees knees. But in retrospect, I wasn’t. She was bringing me down in her downward spiral and destroying everything I had left, which wasn’t much. She thought she was doing it so tough at home, with her parents, but she doesn’t know heartache, she doesn’t know loss. Neither do I compared to some, but I had enough sense in me to get out of there.

Maybe it was something I should have done months before hand. Yeah, it was. But I think I’m a better person for having fucked shit up for the second time in a row. Now I’m happier than ever, and it’s real this time. I’ve had a rough month this last month and I can’t thank Danielle enough for her support and endearing happiness that she so radiates and gives me. I hope one day I can return the favour of giving me the cheesiest grin ever. Danielle is the greatest thing to happen to Geoffrey Neil Pratt. Almost 2 months. It’s abso-shitting-lutely nothing in reality, but it’s been the best almost 2 months of my last 16 years, 7 months and 15 days out of mum’s hairy vag.

I just don’t want Matt to come back from Leonora, or if he does, we pass each other as I’m heading up.

I hope she doesn’t read this.

Drowned and Torn Asunder

The title for toays blog is Drowned and Torn Asunder. Why would i pick this? Because i feel like fucking crap thats why. I dont even know why, hi 5 for puberty man.

Steph and i had a bit of a tiff. Shes being a fuck. I’m being a fuck back. Fail. The fact we don’t get to see each other is a mega big straining point. I don’t know. I’m too……..crap…..to write anything more about it.

Still don’t have a new bike. Bitch-hole mother won’t pay me back. It’s getting me down bigtime, I need to ride. I need it and I crave it, I really do. I’m hungry and procrastinating.

School sucks. End of topic.

Matt started smoking again. End of topic.

End of blog, time to go wallow in my own self pity listening to unsavoury music.

Peace in, keep it to yourselves.

Geoff =]

“Sillyworld”

Ive decided to start naming my blogs after song titles. This one is Sillyworld. It’s a Stone Sour song, i think it’s fitting. It is just so damn silly at the moment, y’know? Im all over the place, geographically and mentally.

School is clamping down bigtime – Year 12 is setting in. I need to start doing some real work mang.  SRC commitments are fecking huge as well, bu i enjoy it. Gives me something constructive to do as opposed to sitting up at 11 30 typing to billions of random folk on the interwebs.

“Freedom’s just a word today, freedom’s just a word.

When someone takes your wor away, it’s seldom never heard.”

That’s pretty damn fitting at the moment, a lyric from Sillyworld. I’ve just got so much going on right now i can’t stop for a second or i just get swamped with other stuff i dont get time for old crap anymore. So damn busy.

No time for riding which fucking sucks. Weeknight series of short, fun XC races started at the goat farm this week. They’re just fro fun, easily do-able on the Rincon. Ah, fuck the Rincon. Headset is thrashed like a cheap hooker, not to mention cables, housings, chainrings, chain and cassette. All for a beater bike, plus servicing, plus saving for a new DH bike. I need a payrise man.

Not seeing steph much either, which is crummy. I tink ill leave it there or else i wont stop……

Got RAW soon, im really pumped. I’m really determined to win. I will, just you wait. 2008 is the Year of Geoff.

Peace In, Geoff.